Reflection on staying at home
Feeling a sense of loss.
How do we grieve something we have lost without anyone dying?
For me in this current climate is adjusting to a new way of being. I feel having these restrictions put in place has made me stop and think about what's important in life. Yes, I am still trying to work and had to adjust my working conditions.
So, what is it like for me working from home? I am finding I am not as driven as I would be going to the office, sometimes I call myself lazy, is this helpful calling myself this probably not, what would I say to my clients probably don't use harsh words on yourself, so I have given myself permission to take time off. This makes a real difference.
I have noticed I had so much focus on growing my counselling practice that everything else important to me took a back seat.
So, what have I learned and what do I do differently? Firstly, I lost my beloved horse last November and Having one horse still at home with me, she craved attention, she lost her companion and soul mate. She was having attention but not on the level I now know she wanted. She now has more attention, love, and affection I have noticed that our relationship is more harmonious. I will get her a companion when the restrictions are lifted.
My home and outside space, for the first time I appreciate it rather than take it for granted I have a love-hate relationship with my home. So much work to do and little time, but when I take a step back and look at how far we have come and what we have achieved is beautiful. Having the outside space while in isolation, self-distancing, etc. I use the quote when you look at things differently the things you look at change (Wayne Dyer). This is certainly the case, I am now looking at working at home more and do more eco, green therapy. Research shows that being with nature within its natural surroundings has healing benefits.
I have also noticed how I am with the Grief cycle.
- Shock - Is this really happening,
- Anger - Making life choices and this has hampered my plans, have I made the right decision
- Guilt - Everyone is in the same situation; I feel guilty that I have outside space and others don't.
- Bargaining - If I do something differently, would this help, I felt I was becoming a rescuer, but who was I rescuing.
- Low Mood - feeling a sense of loss, what was I losing.
- Acceptance - I have now accepted what has happened and having this extra time made me realise what is important in life.
So, for me, I'm starting to be more present, notice the here and now and just be. I have noticed this is now an opportunity to have the time to reflect, enjoy this quiet time.